San Escobar: a triumph of Polish diplomacy

Published on January 18, 2017

Politics

When Poland's foreign minister Witold Waszczykowski got on a plane to New York, no one could yet imagine the impact of his two-day visit. Officially, the head of Polish diplomacy was supposed to meet with Secretary-General of the United Nations Antonio Guterres to lobby for a seat on the UN Security Council. But the most important meeting – one Waszczykowski was very excited about – took place behind the scenes.

 "We get the chance to meet the prime ministers of almost 20 countries, some of them for the first time in our diplomatic history; countries such as Belize or San Escobar, for example," he explained.

And he did wasn't exaggerating. On the contrary, some found his statement to be not without false modesty. There is no doubt that a meeting his Escobarian counterpart will grant Waszczykowski a place in the annals of Polish diplomacy. Poland has finally proudly jumped the gun and recognised a country whose existence has been questioned for decades. This beautiful act of international solidarity is particularly moving considering all the differences between Poland and the People's Democratic Republic of San Escobar.

There is more between us than just the ocean

The small island is one of the last truly socialist republics. After the revolution in the middle of the last century it has faced a determined reaction from the United States. In this particular case, American imperialism took the form of a forced conspiracy of silence on the part of the whole western bloc. Later on, a tacit agreement that San Escobar did not exist was used as a bargaining chip by the Soviet Union and its satellite states during the Perestroika.

This is how San Escobar, in a truly Orwellian style, was erased from the pages of history. The existence of this state still remains taboo. Even the "independent" Wikipedia is blocking the publication of any articles about the country, calling it an "obvious fraud."

Heading towards free-market?

With the  deepening economic crisis, San Escobar's government was forced to attenuate its isolationism in the recent years. But the steps taken by the government in order to attract western tourists and their full wallets did not turn out to be very effective. Tourists have shown an understandable wariness towards a country that cannot be found on any map. Although some reforms have been introduced, San Escobar still doesn't resemble in any way countries such as Poland. Even such restrained market-oriented reforms led to an outright reaction on the part of armed communist militias  – the biggest of which, El Frente Communista de San Escobar, is currently exercising control over part of the country.

Despite all the differences, the people of Poland and San Escobar reacted with enthusiasm to establishing a relationship. The first flights to the capital, Santo Subito, are going to be coached by the Escobarian airline El Niño, but the Polish airline LOT already intends to buy a new dream-liner in the coming weeks for operating this route. Unofficially, there have also been talks of a mutual visa waiver. Unfortunately, the reaction of both Polish and international press is very disappointing as far as reliable journalism goes. Rzeczpospolita dismissed Waszczykowski's statement as a "blooper" and the Telegraph went even further, calling San Escobar a "non-existent country."

Practical information about the region

San Escobar's economy relies mainly on drugs. Its official language is Spanish. The capital is Santo Subito, while the second and third cities are Al Pacino and Ciudad Polaca. The most popular tourist destinations are beaches in the Esperal region, as well as its highest mountain, Hasta La Vista. Interestingly the country offers citizens the choice of two different currencies: plata or plomo. You can find more information on San Escobar's official Facebook page.

Translated from San Escobar – ogromny sukces polskiej dyplomacji