Quickies of the week (20.01 - 24.01)

Published on January 20, 2014

Quickies

Fri­day

Pris­oner drought in Ger­many

​No pris­on­ers in our state. The Ger­man Gov­ern­ment is clos­ing the pris­ons in the re­gions of Celle-Sali­nen­moor and Braun­schweig, Lower Sax­ony, be­cause there are not enough pris­on­ers.  What a won­der­ful world. Hu­mans on the up.

Naked tor­ture

In Ukraine, the po­lice de­tained a pro­tester naked in a snow storm at -14ºC. They pushed him around and took pic­tures on their phones in a highly com­mend­able dis­play of brav­ery and pro­fes­sion­al­ism.

Thurs­day

The dealers next door

Flaw­less man­ners of your next-door dealer. Drug deal­ers in Greno­ble apologised sin­cerely to their clients for the tem­po­rary clo­sure of their usual sell­ing point, and promised to re-open soon. The sign at­tracted the at­ten­tion of local po­lice­men, who are hop­ing to turn the tem­po­rary sit­u­a­tion into a per­ma­nent one.

BIG BROTHER

1984 thirty years later? Ukrain­ian au­thor­i­ties are track­ing down the par­tic­i­pants of anti-gov­ern­ment demon­stra­tions and sending out text mes­sages re­mind­ing the pro­test­ers that, 'they are reg­is­tered as a par­tic­i­pant in an il­le­gal mass riot.' The main mo­bile phone net­works in Ukraine categorically re­nounced their part in this ac­tion.

Wednes­day

PARK­ING IN THE LIV­ING ROOM

A grand­fa­ther drove his jeep into the liv­ing room of his daugh­ters' neigh­bours be­cause they kept mak­ing noise and ter­ror­is­ing her. A re­ported £14,000 worth of dam­age was caused to the house which now has a gap­ing hole in it. He hoped the hor­ri­ble fam­ily would move out if the house was struc­turally un­sta­ble.

Armed and ready

Armed forces need a booster? You can use Vi­a­gra against low blood pres­sure, re­port the British Armed forces. Evidently. Vi­a­gra worth al­most £6000 has been stolen by their staff since 2007.   

Tues­day

Haribo with­draws racist black sweet in Den­mark and Swe­den

Haribo has with­drawn the black sweets from its 'Skip­per Mix' in Swe­den and Den­mark due to charges of racism. The black sweets are rep­re­sen­ta­tions of prim­i­tive African art- small face masks- which a sailor could have brought home from an ex­otic voy­age.

Read on midili­bre.​fr 19/01/2014

Four com­pa­nies con­trol half the world's beer sup­ply

De­spite the ap­par­ently in­fi­nite range of beers on offer, four firms ac­tu­ally con­trol half of the world's beer mar­ket. With 800 brands be­tween them, the lead­ing firms are AB InBev, SAB­Miller, Heineken and Carls­berg.

Read on lemonde.​fr 21/01/2014

Mon­day

Men­tal Health Time Bomb

British teenagers are some of the un­hap­pi­est in the world. Re­search, pub­lished today shows that on­line porn, bul­ly­ing, pres­sure to look thin, fear of fail­ure and de­pres­sion are the main causes of un­hap­pi­ness. Re­searchers say this a 'men­tal health time bomb'.

Read on dai­ly­mail.​co.​uk 20/01/2014

Gay Ba­bies

Stress, nico­tine and am­phet­a­mines: three which which make it more likely that your baby is gay or bi­sex­ual. The rev­e­la­tion comes from the stud­ies of the bioneu­rol­o­gist, Dr. Dick Swabb, based in Am­s­ter­dam.

Read on news.​com 20/01/2014

Translated from Quickies della settimana (20.01 - 24.01)