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Image for EU wins 2012 Nobel Peace Prize: our Anti-Nobel Prize winners (6 images)

EU wins 2012 Nobel Peace Prize: our Anti-Nobel Prize winners (6 images)

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The prize once discerned to Mother Teresa, Henry Kissinger and Barack Obama, went to the European Union on 12 October. The economic and political union of 27 nations and 500 million citizens was awarded for its 67 years of preserving peace - a nod to the enlargement policies to the Balkans and Turkey - and for other fun words such as ‘reconciliation’ and ‘democracy’, though they missed out the 'animosity' that the EU has also provoked between its member states all the while. Whilst welcomes the good news, our network of pan-Europeans want to say that not everything is rosy. This award is rather a recognition of the EU’s past as opposed to its present and future; some commentators have suggested that the reward money should go to offsetting EU debt and unemployment (25 million or 11.4% in the EU have no jobs). So, to capture the mood correctly, here are our winners for the Anti-Nobel Prize this year – and the people we should be paying attention to

Spain’s Duchess of Alba, Nobel Prize in Physics

At 87, the EU’s most noblest citizen – richer than the queen of England - wins as one of the most impressive physical products of the modern world. Doña María del Rosario Cayetana Fitz-James Stuart y Silva, the 18th Duchess of Alba de Tormes, challenges Mickey Rourke for defying the laws of gravity in aesthetics, bagged herself a younger husband (61) and even produced a flamenco jig at her (nuptials-enforced) wedding. The nobel physics prize is but a small accessory for this geriatric phenomenon, one of the only people in the word who does not to have to kneel down in front of the pope. Close second for the prize goes to the EU’s communications department for their summertime science video (Image: (cc) Marquinam/ Flickr)

Angela Merkel and Nicolas Sarkozy, joint Nobel Prize in Chemistry

‘Fraternity between nations’ was one of Alfred Nobel’s early nineteenth century criterion for winning the prize. Benetton’s 2011 advert recognised the chemistry between an Aquarius (former French president Nicolas Sarkozy) and a Cancer (German chancellor Angela Merkel). Astrologists confirm: ‘In this romantic compatibility, Aquarius will be fun-loving whereas Cancer will be susceptible. Cancer's emotional needs will often ask for a dose of love and affection. The Aquarian will explore all romantic promises and commitments before taking a firm decision’. Sadly, this Aquarian was nipped in the bid when he lost his presidency to a Lion (Francois Hollande) (Image: (cc) Benetton Unhate Projects)

Elsa Fornero, Nobel Prize in Economic Sciences

She was the most openly mournful politician in the EU when announcing austerity measures and tougher reforms on pensions. Italy’s welfare minister wins the gong for finding a synthetic and clear solution to Italian troubles about unemployment and daily survival: tears and blood. Hope she doesn’t break down when we give her the award (Image: (cc) UK in Italy/ Flickr)

Mario Draghi, Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine

Doctor Draghi wins by a medical mile. Although this prize is awarded for noteworthy discoveries in one of the two fields, the Italian president of the European central bank (ECB) scoops it for both mentions. No-one else in Europe knows the functions of the living organism that the EU (physiologically) is better; no doubt he is going to switch the automatic note-printing machine (Europe's principal medicine now) on when Angela Merkel flips the bird (Image: (cc) Ondrej Kloucek/ Flickr)

Viktor Orban, Nobel Prize in Literature

With his flourishing fantasy, the Hungarian prime minister merges anti-European thoughts, right-wing conservative sparks and a clever cut of citizen rights. He also single-handedly rewrote the Hungarian constitution, making it a beautiful piece of ‘kookoo autocratic' (cit. Cohn-Bendit) fiction. EU president Herman van Rompuy comes a close second with his haiku skills (Image: (cc) European People's Party - EPP/ Flickr)

Golden Dawn party Greece, Nobel Peace Prize

Spanish journalist Felipe Alcaraz tweeted whether EU commission president Jose Manuel Durão Barroso would be accepting the Nobel in denying he had anything to do with the Iraq war. Peace comes at the price of violence: our laureate for the 2012 peace prize is the Greek neo-nazi Chrysi Avgi party, who secured enough votes in the June elections to enter parliament. As the official peace prize winner was being announced on 12 October, news broke that our peace prize winners were targeting immigrant children in kindergartens and nurseries (the policy: strike). Greece, Spain and Italy are the frontiers of Europe: Golden Dawn destroys this welcome party for outsiders. Their slogan ‘Greece for the Greeks, Blood, Honour’ emerges popular in an EU which is deciding that ‘Greece cannot be saved’. Leader and thug Nikolaos Michaloliakos (pictured in the middle) and punchy spokesperson Ilias Kasidiaris have become real heroes for some EU citizens (Image: courtesy of (cc) Stop Violence Against Women facebook page)

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Matthieu Amaré

Je viens du sud de la France. J'aime les traditions. Mon père a été traumatisé par Séville 82 contre les Allemands au foot. J'ai du mal avec les Anglais au rugby. J'adore le jambon-beurre. Je n'ai jamais fait Erasmus. Autant vous dire que c'était mal barré. Et pourtant, je suis rédacteur en chef du meilleur magazine sur l'Europe du monde.