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Battle of the Teutoburg Forest-2002 years on- Rome’s 9/11.

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By John Hodgshon

Today is the 2002nd anniversary of the Battle of Teutoburg forest. How has this battle changed the world? What affects has it left on those who took part in it? One thing is sure- the world has never been the same since then. On September 11th, 9CE, General Varus led three Roman legions into Teutoburg forest, in Germania.

He walked straight into a trap organised by the German tribes who surrounded his legions- and massacred them. Only a few survived to return to Gaul and tell the tale of what happened.

For the eye witnesses who saw the events taking place, the Teutoburg forest will never be the same place. Roman settler Octavius Romanus talked about it- “I was taking a cold bath in my toga when my neighbour told me to come and see what was happening. We ran outside to see carnage everywhere. The first screaming hordes of berserker warriors had just hit the legion and they were being torn apart- we couldn’t believe it, we never thought something like this could happen in Teutoburg forest! We saw soldiers running away, their faces covered in blood, it was just…..” Octavius had to cut off the interview, as he was overcome by emotion.

There is also controversy about the emperor Augustus’s actions in all this. Augustus was visiting a Roman gymnasium when he heard the news and needed five fastii to respond to the crisis. Later, he went on the offensive, saying “Make no mistake, we will hunt down those responsible for this wherever they may be hiding, even if it’s in a Germanic forest.”

However, conspiracy theories claim that “Augustus planned it” and that he let the massacre happen, in order to find an excuse to invade Germania. Evidence for this comes from experts, who claim that Roman armour was too strong to be pierced by the spears used by Germanic tribes at the time, and that they had been given weaker armour two weeks before marching out.

The anniversary will be celebrated in Rome by massacring 20000 Germanic tribesmen in the arena, along with a series of cermonies where major Roman senators lay wreaths in Teutoburg forest to commemorate the massacre.

Disclaimer- This article is a piece of fiction and anybody who takes it seriously should read it properly. The author is categorically NOT in favour of massacring Germanic tribesmen.

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